Curls from the inside out. Sad sick Songs.

Been guilty that I haven't been listening to  BLINK182 lately, but right now, I am reliving the moment.  I soo miss their songs, I still have my loyalty pledged with them, even if I have my new faves, which definitely strucked my inner vibes like blink. It also soothes. Blink will be back, YES, BACK again this summer of '09. After 17 years of sweet, loud, and punky music, 11 albums and tons of singles and camios! they will definitely come back, with a new album. AND I AM SOOOO HYPED! The band which bonded us, along with Parasol a.k.a. Black heaven and my lifetime friends, together.

Songs of hope and despair. Our soul music.

Songs to grieve, more songs to live for.

P.S. Might be making poems again, there's something overwhelming in my mind right now. Oh how I missed the old days. I might be inspired.

P.P.S. A very very good friend told me this today: "I'm happy for you."
made me confused, oh yeah.

Take it!

Stupid. Pathetic. Wrong. Dunce. Dumb. Futile. Nincompoop. Idiot. Imbecile. Meaningless. SHIIIIT!

Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.

RARA, TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT! WRONG!

*Stress reliever.

GRAWSH!

People tend to be selfish when it comes to love. What's the point of having someone if there is no love. They live for excitement, expectations, someone to fill their so called emptiness. We are so tied by this sad sick mindset. Sadly, I was one of them. WAS. But there are times that I am relapsing. You can't blame people for their "clinginess". I've almost overcome this mindset, there are just triggers that makes me relapse.

It sickens me, I loathe it, I hate it, this feeling. Save myself from the pain? Gosh, I can't even get away from the pain. It's like I've almost lived for pain. It kills. This, this nauseating feeling, you can't just shrug it off. Gosh! It's so hard to materialize what I'm thinking right now, I just want to release the tension. Hysteria!

This is ridiculous. Love? Feeling? It's all... fleeting.

What's the Price?

I rather be inspired than being in love. I don't want to dwell in the illusion of being in love again. Being inspired sways me from this thought. No expectations, no frustrations. i can get inspirations from everyone. There's just this one person who exceed the rest. He inspires me the most right now. i don't care if we don't talk a lot.. even if I wanted to! But I'll keep myself inspired.. I won't fall in love with him, I won't.. I won't.. I already did.. but I won't! I can't!

Pfft.

Illusion

I keep saying to myself that it's just an illusion,a figment of my imagination, something that I want to happen, something I've longed for, something I want. I keep saying to myself that it's not for me, I keep saying to myself to stop, I keep telling myself that this is how far it goes, I keep telling myself to shut up, forget about it. I keep telling myself that there's more to life. I keep telling myself that I should not think about it, worry about it or fret about.

I'm worrying about it, I actually do, it's not something that I can shrug off and say that's it nothing. It is, actually, something. A big impact in my life (even if I keep telling myself that it's not) It's something I want so bad, but I won't allow myself to indulge in this emotion.. or rather an illusion. I don't want to experience this pain again, I am avoiding it, but I'm still in pain, ironic isn't it?

All along I thought that I'm strong enough, but I'm wrong.

Staying Sane.

When I saw this images flashing right before my eyes:

 

Some bug report

 

some sql scripting

Immediately, I felt like a dunce, I've never been pressured like this. School life is a hell lot different from the real world. This situation made me frustrated, I swear i won't do any programming stuff (Well, exept Web Programming stuff. ;p) All I want to do after I graduate is to become a web designer/master! Hahaha, I seriously want to take up digital arts, but it's costly. Might as well go abroad and have my further studies, or have my further studies here.. hmm.. I just want a job I can enjoy! and right now .. I ain't enjoying, I really feel like a dunce. GOSH.

Anyway, Nihonggo has been frying my brains, but it's fun, and I get to hang out with some of my friends. Ureshii~

I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy and pretty and gay! Hahahha. I feel happy.. really.. I feel special in some ways, but still I don't want to give in. Hekhek, what am I talking about.. I'm just.. overjoyed, or just plain stupid. I don't want to get cocky and all.. but I'm so... falling. Hahaha. Well.. never mind about that.. let's talk about.... change.

I've been changing some habits these past week, I'm glad that I can control those habits. So glad. so glad. My taste has change. :p But dang~  I can't believe I ate all that fat! My obento was oishii~ or maybe I felt it was delicious cause i was having fun eating lunch earlier.. hope we can do it again guys~ (Liempo for lunch).

Let's talk about... HATE. I've been hating the way I write, it's so.. girly! I mean.. it's like writing in a diary. And what annoys me the most is the, "haha, hehe" part. It's so.. unprofessional. hehehe ..  . . . ..  . SEE! Dangit! But hey.. that's the way life goes. At least I can finally write again. I am now suffering from Writer's Unproductivity. :p  Blabbing bout random useless facts, but at least my mind ain't blocked anymore. Somewhat inspired? nah~ don't want to think that way now ei.

  I love pirates! yaaar~ ahooy matey!

hell yeah, that was random. :p

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." -Barack.Obama.

Day Dreaming.

It's good to hope at times, a.k.a. daydream. :)

I want:

• to pamper myself.
• to watch a movie.
• to eat in a fine-dining restaurant.
• to work out
• spend my time with friends watching dvds, listening to music, playing game consoles, eat snacks, have a chit-chat, laugh out loud.
• to ROFL. xD.
• to confide
• learn French (I am taking Nihonggo at the moment right now and I ain't focusing.)
• to learn to drive
• to have a car 
• to go to the beach
• to go scuba diving
• to go sky diving
• to go cliff diving
• to skii
• to ice skate
• to go roller blading
• to take up culinary arts
• to cook for my family
• to treat my relatives in dampa
• to eat seafood
• to go crash shopping
• a new wardrobe
• new shoes
• to travel the world
• to go to broadway
• to have a job
• to work
• to invent/discover something that's not yet invented/discovered
• to do the boogy dance
• to do the thriller dance
• to learn to dance
• to see, touch, smell snow
• to learn the flute
• to have the best job in the world
• to be a critique
• to sing in top of my lungs
• to be a wedding planner
• to be a manager
• to manage
• to be able to express my feelings verbally
• to be succesful
• to have a water bed
• to renovate our kitchen
• a condominium
• a resort
• an island
• to light a brown bag with poo on fire and put in in my neighbor's door and ring their bell. When they open it, they'll see the burning bag and attempt to stomp it. Eventually they'll get poo in the shoes. Just like those in the movies.
• to learn MMA. (Mixed Martial Arts)
• to use a needle as a deadly weapon
• to have an iphone
• to have every apple products. =D
• to renovate, refurnish, refurbate our home.
• to own a plane
• to play basketball again....
•  to play tennis again..
• to play table tennis again..
• to be able to play my sports again
• TIME.
• chocolates
• to open/manage a coffee shop
  
• to have gaming consoles. ..

And my only onw wish.

I wish I can do/have/own this things.

Missing.

I have terrible mood swings, really. I just need someone to make my day. Dang~
So incomplete.. this blog.. useless.

Have I told you I'm inspired? NOT in love, but inspired. I don't want to have high hopes, but am still hoping, and still hurting myself in the process.

This sucks. Sucks to be me~

Hi. :)

Some Unintelligible Rants

I feel stupid. I've been blabbing bout how I feel lately, makes me feel vulnerable and stuff. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. But it does feel so good.. to confide.. but still.. I feel really stupid .. and desperate.. and annoying.. and stupid... I can't just keep myself.. to myself.. know what I mean?

Moving on.. I'm putting an end to some things I used to do, I think I'm better off without it. And that's a lot of stuff.. I'm actually having a grasp of humanity. I'm trying.. And now I'm willing.. I gotta stay strong. Ship~

I feel so stupid, really. I can't get over it. Ship, ship, ship. What have I done.. grr.. somebody assure me everything's all right.. cause I feel it ain't ..