Me!? For President!?

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OMG! I'm famous! And I'm not even an American citizen!
Ima count on you guys! click now!

-Ber Happy.

Oh em gee! The -ber months is here. tralalalalala~ And hooray for cooler weather. I hope it won't be that rainy. Can't you guys believe it? And here I am in my senior year in college, and mind you, GRADUATING, not GRADWAITING. It's an inside joke me and my batch mates have, since I'm in a college overdue. 1st trimester is about to end, 4 weekdays to go and say hello to 2nd trimester. I hope i pass all my subjects since I'm struggling right now. I'm getting lazy for school, but i have to. Reality sucks. Well, this might be the the best year for me.. so far. I've started my new year right, so might as well end it well (even though I've burnt my right hand last new year, it might be good luck.XD) But yeah, I am happy, never been this happy. I love you guys! I love my parents and my brothers! muahaha~! I love everybody. I can't wait till graduation.

I am totally random right now, I can see teh tower of Babel collapsing because of inconsistency, just like me.:3 It sucks to be random, but is a good thing at the same time. Random people are spontaneous and fun to be with. The shifting of subjects maybe be fast paced but substantial. NOT! ahahaha, for me it isn't.

Can't wait for Christmas, can't wait for valentines, can't wait for graduation. muahahaha~!

Miss, you're an abomination.

Don't you hate it when you see bullies? I thought bullies where a thing of the past, for grade school students. But then in college, insecure bitches are the bullies. Well, I just can't see someone who can't fight back.. can't fight back. confusing? NO. And what is the main reason for this insecure whore to bully someone? Well, I know it all started in a blog, this girl (or transvestite) was like, "Hey kid, you get me so irritated in your blog, you want so much attention that it irritates me a lot. stop bitching around and have a life". So of course my uberly lovely friend here don't want to hear more mockery from this asshole, so she have decided to erase her in her multiply account. Ok, so it's all done, but noooooo, this skank reacted on why was she deleted in multiply. I mean, what the hell is the point of you being deleted IF you don't want to read my friends daily rants and stuff. I mean helloooo, are you some retard or what? Actually, in the pathetic scale, YOU are more pathetic picking on someone who is just writing a god damn free opinionated blog you son of a bitch. But steer clear, I'm more pathetic than you, cause it's not my fight, I just can't stand it. So stop you're worthless babbling and yapping and do something more humane.

If worse comes to worst, I don't care, bring it on. Talo lang ako sa palakihan ng boobs nuh. LOL. No hard feelings, friends padin ah. LOL

Typer Happy Baby~!

I get so hyped up whenever I see this uber silly emoticon: I mean.. just look at him! I sooo remember Lars the Emo Kid. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then search in in youtube. If you don't know youtube then screw you! Get the hell out of the interweb cause your a 1337 n00b! Damn.

Don't you believe that there are actually "Internetally Challenged" People? Well people , there are, people who tYpE lIkE tHiZ, and people who keep saying, asl but doens't know what it means. People who responds laughing like "haha" or "lol" because they don't know what they are talking about. And those people who keep on saying LOL even if it ain't funny. You idiot just love saying LOL all teh time ei? Well, here's what I have to say... FUCK YOU RETARD!

Sorry, I hate retards, especially people who read this blog. yes, you are a retard! get the hell out of my page! If you ain't like you say you are then don't.

Oooh, I've just updated my Deviantart gallery with this:

I just love how 1337 I can be. Actually giving out my personal info over the interweb. Well that's life.. The hell I care if you plant my house with a bomb, or hack my accounts. You won't get anything from me turds!

I hope that tomorrow I'll get to snap a few shots in my camera. Only a SonyCybershot digicam. I sooo want one of those DSLR! ooh, and a want a DA suscription. I want an iPhone and an iTouch. An iPod would do, and I also want a PSP and a PS3, PS2 would also do. (this is my totally random wishlist.) Wanna give me one?! I wouldn't mind.

What is Wrong with Me my Friend?

It's been ages since my last post, and my blog is beginning to rot. I couldn't get the drive to write for something substantial or catchy. I've been in this eternal drift wherein my creativity juice is totally depleted. It's been months, and it frustrates me a lot. I was able to write just about anything months ago. But it bothers me that I feel my whole life is crashing down, useless, boring and stagnant. Life for me has been tiring. the same old routine over and over again. It is as if my life has no meaning at all. I wasn't like this before. I had my writing life, but where is it all now? I have lost my drive to write. Ah, I really have become a frustrated writer and frustrated poet. I've used to write poems all the time, like it was something natural to do, but now I feel like it's a heavy task to handle. What's wrong with me my friend?

I've used to write long sentences, long paragraphs to the extent you'd get lazy to read all of my stuff since it's so long. I've used to write at my handy-dandy notebook and jot down everything I think of, I hear of, and feel. Where is that feeling? The feeling of not being able to write is incomplete, I have missed a part of me, or rather, something inside of me left. I have exhausted myself to the extent that I don't have any drive left leaving me bored all the time, unproductive and lazy.

What is wrong with me my friend?

Blunders and Bludgers of Love.

Love for me has changed over the years. Love as I experienced it started prematurely, love for a kid is an irrational decision. So much wishes, so much plans. At the age of 16 I'm all into love. I was in love of being in love. I didn't care about other people, as long as I'm happy of being in love, I don't care what happens, come what may. I never judged the person I love, I believed every word he says, and it never did bothered me. THAT was love for me. All I ever cared for is that I'm happy. I was so selfish I didn't care what would happen. After all it was my first love, first everything (well almost). After a year I was left all alone, then I didn't accept the fact that the guy I loved the most left me for no decent reason at all. For better or for worse? That line ringed liked bullshit in my heart.

And so 6 months of depression happened to me. It was like the dark ages of my life. 6 months I have wept and wasted my life. I was high with booze. Everyday was like Nirvana, but every waking day is like a hellhole. I keep trash talking and flirting with guys I barely know, just for me to satisfy my need of "being in love". I needed a man, cause I was craving for the need of being loved. I needed a hug, I needed a kiss, and every time I did, it was him I see all the time. I imagined him. I was insane. I have to stop.

I have taken refuge in the intraweb where I have this disillusion that everyone praises me. I've attracted a lot of attention, it made me feel good. I felt that I was God, and I hold a lot of power in the intraweb. But in reality, I'm this reject that no one wants to be with. At least the intraweb became a temporal bliss. And then that's the time I started flirting with this guy I barely know. All it took was a week for us to meet in real life. I started dating him for the sake of my twisted mentality of "the feeling of being in loved". My delusion started eating me and I thought I was in love. After 4 months, we broke up, cause we barely talk to each other, and barely seen each other. It was then his friend captured my heart.

Of all the relationships I had this was the most twisted one, I really never gained anything. I was only entrapped in my own Nirvana. I poured out everything. Finally, I thought he was the one, I even said the words you're the last guy I'm going to love for the rest of my life and he too said those words to me. I was happy, all I ever care was our happiness. I believed every sweet words he said. I thought it would last forever. My world shattered when he was with another woman. All the hope and the promises.. they were broken. Depression once again ruined my life. But I knew I was growing, taking baby steps and all, but I never cried to hard. Maybe because my heart was filled with loathe and anger. All I ever want was revenge. That one year was a big regret.

Why am I telling these stuff? This is not all about the sick sad story of life I'm talking about. It's all about how I grew into knowing love. even though I still have "SOME" disillusionment left in me, I'm trying my best to change it. But in the current relationship I'm having, I did made some premature moves. Like, talking about the future, making heavy promises. (you're the one I'm going to marry, you're surely the last person I'm going to love, I love you until the end of time, etc.). But it's all said and done. It's just best leave the commitment part when you guys are truly ready for it all, not just because you're madly in love because of...
But yes, I did said those words, so now, I'm fixing/patching things up. Even if it's a struggle. I'm learning on how to be NOT dependent on the person you love. I can.. I can.. but it's harder when the other person has that mentality. I just want to grow as a person and as a lover.

YES: I love you INSPITE of.
NO: I love you BECAUSE of.

My Hate Letter

I've been feeling a lot lately and I've been hiding it since I met you. Let me tell you about a girl who's name start with M and ends in I, the sugar-coated b1tch who feels like she's on top of the world. A hypocrite. You go steal off some of my friends and play with them, after you're done with them, you go on to the next thing. Live up with your reputation that you're one a-hole, a 5lutty b1tch. You're a shame to the community, you're very existence is a disgrace. You should die and rot in hell. All I wanna do is tear your insides out and fry them in in your dying state. I wanna grab your hair and pull you to the streets so that you get clobbered by a truck and eventually get crushed. I wanna stick a pen in your eyes so you go blind. I don't want you to see the light, all I want to show you is the darkness you have within your soul. I wanna choke you with a wire and I want to see you vomiting blood and your insides. I wanna dissect you with a scalpel and play with your black, black heart. I'll be your nightmare , and as long I'm alive, you'll be in living hell. I wanna sew your lips together so you'd shut the hell up. Your only place here in earth is death.

I hate you.

The Twelve Days of Stagnation

Finally I'm back. Another chapter in my blog. My internet was down for twelve days. Why? Unpaid bills, and don't ask. I thought it was like the end of the world, cause the internet, IS MY WORLD. I know what you people would say, "Get a life, live a life, and stop living your fantasies in the internet. Go out, have fun, live your reality. ILLUSIONADA." Well, let me tell you people, I am living my life, I go to school, I have fun, I go to parties, I sure do make a good job in rockin' MY world. Another part of my life is the internet, and it is not just a day-dream. Seriously, you can HAVE a life in the internet. Don't give me the, "Go find a job in real life", well let me tell you, it ain't easy in my place, it's cause of the culture, (wanna know how? Leave a comment or PM me. =D)

Did you guys have ever played The Sims? 1 and 2? Notice in the release of The Sims1, the internet is not that centralized back then. What's my point? Notice the computer, all you can do is play with it or find a job. The release of The Sims2 was the rise of technology that time, so as you have noticed, the computer has more functions, you can play, find a job and CHATTING IN THE INTERNET. Thus, boosting your social bar status (Mind you, it's very hard to have a full social bar in The Sims1. People you're talking to in the line would hang up in a matter of seconds or you have to go to a neighbor if you don't have kids or a partner.). Relating it to real life, the internet is another way to communicate, it's actually filling my social bar. What do you think I'm supposed to do at home? Talk to my dog or my cat? I don't talk the people in my place, so it's very boring.

For the past twelve days, I spend a lot of my time sleeping and at school. I'd go home late so that when I get home, the only thing that I will be looking for is my bed. Spending too much time outside the house means spending more money, and that's not a good thing, especially for me. @#$%. So then I decided to open my computer and do something productive. I tried photoshopping, but I didn't have anything in mind what to do. It's like my artistic soul was sucked up because there ain't no internet. .____. BUT then I discovered there is a GBA emulator installed in my computer with some roms. What did I played? Breath of Fire2. LOL, it sure did ate my time and it was worth it, even if it's lame for others. I was playing that gamed until the internet went back up (Haven't finished it yet since th internet is distracting me ;p).

Well, that's pretty much of my rant. And ooh, I've watched some old and not so old movies I haven't watched before, "Ocean's 13", "Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End", "Nanny Diaries", "I am Legend", "National Treasure: Book of secrets." That's it.

Join Raziel's Shame Official Site

Welcoming Entry

The fun has started, I've fixed my blogger and I'm to lazy to update it. Wanted to change the color scheme tho, but too lazy and can't think of any good combination. So what widgets and add-ons have I included in my secondary blog?

• Adsense - Well, You'd be helping me if you click on em or digg them since this is what helps me to have my extra finances. I've only started tho, and it ain't that easy to have lots of impressions. It's frustration really. If I'd figure how to fix the donate panel, I'd put it up and dream of someone donating some to me. :p
• YouTube - RSS'd my channel, funkydeath12. My mini clips and video logs. Just started, so it's still horrible. Trying to figure out how to save clips in Media Maker cause it won't work for me.
• Twitter - Basically, it's a mini blog widget that can accommodate 170 characters. Mostly, you can see the "what-I'm-doing-right-now" and some of my updates. It's totally random.
• My Plugoo - A super 3rd party instant messenger which is directly directed to my MSN messenger. It can receive and send instant messages via Plugoo to your IM. Live time performance.

So that's about it. But hey, I've forgot something, since this is my first blog in blogger, lemme introduce myself with the basics. My internet alias is Rara/rarachan. I name my pages/blogs JOIN RAZIEL'S SHAME. It's an anagram of my name. Well I won't give my real name out. You might see it in some of my pages, but I won't directly give my name out in here. Someone might track me down. ;p Well, I'm Asian, twas born last June 1988. Live in the Philippines. I'm not a turd or a retarded kid who goes to the internet just to open their Friendster/Myspace accounts or play an MMORPG. Actually I'm trying to build a life here. Well, the internet WAS my life, then months passed, it became my life again. I have found love and commitment in the internet, almost all of it. ALMOST. But at the moment, I'm happy with what I have now, Imagine love in the internet. Who would have thought It'd be real? To goo d to be real? Maybe, maybe not.

I'm currently pursuing the course Information technology. Planning to major in PHP/asp.net. I'm aspiring that one day I leave this country and hopefully have a nice abroad. Top 3 countries that I've been planning to go to is Canada, USA, Europe. Europe is the best place to go to. Imagine, Rome, Italy, London, Holland, Holland and Holland! :o

I'm pretty much tired of my daily routines. Sleep at 4AM, wake up at 10AM leave at 12noon to go to school, go home at 9PM, then the remaining time is for my internet time. Usually I watch anime series, update my blogs, my layouts and my profiles. Sometimes I need to break the habit. Well.. I do.. sometimes.. wasting countless hours drinking which is fun. lal I'm not an alcoholic tho, I do it for the sake of companionship. =D

I'm a terrible story teller, isn't it obvious? I stammer a lot, I'm too conscious, but have a loud-mouth. At some times I just don't give a damn, I'm the post-modern conservative type of person. :3 I love chocolates, I love coffee and chocolates. My room smells like coffee. Wanna smell? Then cmere. =D

I usually don't remember the stuff I say in my blogs, so when I read them, I'm quite embarrassed. I'm like, "OMG, I can't believe I've said that!:o" Another thing is I'm very incoherent! Sucks to be me, really.

I'm a music lover, you can see what type of music I like in my blogger's complete profile. I'm also a musician, a pianist and a bassist. *RANDOM THOUGHTS* Loving music as a music lover is not just sticking to your own preferred genre, but it's also extending your ears to other genre and appreciating them. *END OF RANDOM THOUGHTS*

So well, that's about it. There's still lot of things to say but I just can't recall them.

For more of my non-personal blog please link to: http://rarachan.xettex.net