If y'all remember my post before: Blunders and Bludgers of Life
A lot has happened in a course of 10 months. And all I can say is, why haven't I thought of the happiness of singlehood? I ahte talking about his love thing, I really do! And that's what I'm talking about lately. I didn't even noticed that it has dominated my life, and that's very shitty!
So then, what can I say about love? Love, will come at the right time, it need not to be rushed. I'm pretty happy about what I am now, what I have (speaking bout love). I'm glad to be without it. It's hard to take love so seriously when you are still unstable, nothing's concrete, nothing's permanent.
As I have said I have been scarred by love, and numbed by time.
And shit it frustrates me I can't explain this touchy stuff so well. Questions? Questions? I will be glad to answer.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Sensuality
Twas re-reading my old poems in deviantArt, and I noticed that my poems are so sensual, so erotic, I've even listed it in the erotic category. And I was so shocked, because I have this thoughts before. But I do consider it my best poems.
Summer Night Romance
Eros
So, so sensual.
Empathy
Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Other Romance > Fixed
Lips so fine, so soft, defined
Chest so warm, your soul divine.
Hold my hands so full of grace
Pull me near, fathom my face.
Hear my cry, feel my pain
Love me dear, keep me sane.
Take me from this devouring fear
Take me to a place so quiet, sincere.
Patiently I'm waiting here
My feelings, my thoughts so queer.
Kiss me now make it last
Free my soul from the past.
Chest so warm, your soul divine.
Hold my hands so full of grace
Pull me near, fathom my face.
Hear my cry, feel my pain
Love me dear, keep me sane.
Take me from this devouring fear
Take me to a place so quiet, sincere.
Patiently I'm waiting here
My feelings, my thoughts so queer.
Kiss me now make it last
Free my soul from the past.
Summer Night Romance
Literature > Poetry > Erotic > Open
I draw closer to your palpable lips
You're breathe so near, I feel the heat.
My arms around your shoulder
Your lips your nape divine.
As I lay I see your face
So full of love no trace of hate.
Your deed so sweet, so fierce no rage
The moans I hear are works of fate.
So awed how two entwined bodies become one.
The love.
The heat.
The passion.
We have none but one
The love that takes over when we're in love.
You're breathe so near, I feel the heat.
My arms around your shoulder
Your lips your nape divine.
As I lay I see your face
So full of love no trace of hate.
Your deed so sweet, so fierce no rage
The moans I hear are works of fate.
So awed how two entwined bodies become one.
The love.
The heat.
The passion.
We have none but one
The love that takes over when we're in love.
Eros
Literature > Poetry > Erotic > Open
My lips indulging your neck
feel the warmth of my breathe.
Between this entrapping heat
Love and lust is conceived.
Silent noises echoing in the air
Your hand in my chest, loving with care.
The silent noises turning to moans
The joy you give, my love has grown.
Around your arms my breathe so shallow
Bring me somewhere else, I'll follow
Your hand in my heart, look at me
Close your eyes my dear, indulge in this sleep.
feel the warmth of my breathe.
Between this entrapping heat
Love and lust is conceived.
Silent noises echoing in the air
Your hand in my chest, loving with care.
The silent noises turning to moans
The joy you give, my love has grown.
Around your arms my breathe so shallow
Bring me somewhere else, I'll follow
Your hand in my heart, look at me
Close your eyes my dear, indulge in this sleep.
So, so sensual.
Moving on, I feel so relieved today, I can vent out, can talk freely. I feel.. free, but still caged in a big cage.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Demise
So it's been 15 days since my last post. I was reading through my 'latest' blog and I said to myself, "Dangit~ this stuff is horrible." I mean.. if you look through my old posts, it's way much better. I've frustrated myself a hell lot of times just because I can't write a good post. Everything I've been blabbing about is absurd, senseless and sometimes, moronic.
This morning, and afternoon, I could explain my day in one song, "On a High - Duncan Sheik". I was so hyper, so happy, so carefree, so everything that is so positive. Had good laughs, stick out with some friends, made new friends, ate a lot, was somehow happy, somehow filled. Then it all changed when I got home, a suden cloud of depression came over me. I guess it was about the conversation my friend and I had in our way home. Something about letting go. I want to let go, I want to. Reasons? (1) No spontaneous conversation, tons of dead air. (2) Happy? Yes, happy for keeping him, being pampered and all, but keeping him for the sake of me being happy, is pure selfishness. (3) Don't want a commitment to a person I'm not having fun with.
Yes, it is hard for me to let go, so I rather stay this way.
But if I think about it, I'm not happy anymore. In a course of a year, nothing good happened. I'm too scared too look for somebody else. What if nobody wants me? What if I'm not good enough for somebody. I'm so traumatized that every time I like a person.. it's always end up in a one-way relationship.
Right now, I'm taking consideration to let go, find someone new. Let myself free from the insanity I'm suffering. I'm just scared, really REALLY scared. Every time I fall in love with someone.. I never got the attention I wanted.. So it always end up with being friends, and the worst part is, 'they' (generally talking in a span of 9 years or so) never knew how i feel.
So everyday, I put on my 'boy' facade, I never want to show any sign of weakness. Just live life as if nothing horrible happened. By now, I'm used to it.. or not. Enjoying life.. as if nothing is wrong. I rather be stomped in this demise than involving you guys.
I just want someone, something. Anything.
Fuck this love talk! It's sooo not me.
And it's not just about love.. A whole lot has been happening, things I can't explain. Depressed. As if there's something missing in my everyday life.
~There's gotta be more to life, than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me~
This morning, and afternoon, I could explain my day in one song, "On a High - Duncan Sheik". I was so hyper, so happy, so carefree, so everything that is so positive. Had good laughs, stick out with some friends, made new friends, ate a lot, was somehow happy, somehow filled. Then it all changed when I got home, a suden cloud of depression came over me. I guess it was about the conversation my friend and I had in our way home. Something about letting go. I want to let go, I want to. Reasons? (1) No spontaneous conversation, tons of dead air. (2) Happy? Yes, happy for keeping him, being pampered and all, but keeping him for the sake of me being happy, is pure selfishness. (3) Don't want a commitment to a person I'm not having fun with.
Yes, it is hard for me to let go, so I rather stay this way.
But if I think about it, I'm not happy anymore. In a course of a year, nothing good happened. I'm too scared too look for somebody else. What if nobody wants me? What if I'm not good enough for somebody. I'm so traumatized that every time I like a person.. it's always end up in a one-way relationship.
Right now, I'm taking consideration to let go, find someone new. Let myself free from the insanity I'm suffering. I'm just scared, really REALLY scared. Every time I fall in love with someone.. I never got the attention I wanted.. So it always end up with being friends, and the worst part is, 'they' (generally talking in a span of 9 years or so) never knew how i feel.
So everyday, I put on my 'boy' facade, I never want to show any sign of weakness. Just live life as if nothing horrible happened. By now, I'm used to it.. or not. Enjoying life.. as if nothing is wrong. I rather be stomped in this demise than involving you guys.
I just want someone, something. Anything.
Fuck this love talk! It's sooo not me.
And it's not just about love.. A whole lot has been happening, things I can't explain. Depressed. As if there's something missing in my everyday life.
~There's gotta be more to life, than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me~
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
This Day, So Far.
So, it's like, 4:55PM here at my cubicle, at the office, OJT. And so far, I have nothing to do, and I'm super bored. I ate lunch with a bunch of people I don't know and it ain't fun, harhar. I got my trustee phone, and I got my best friend.. ze interweb! harhar. Can't access friendster, but no biggies, don't need it. All I need is my Yahoo Messenger, Plurk and Facebook and I'm good to go.
It's my first day, and this day is super idle. My supervisor just familiarize me with the system they use for Input/Output of receivables and accounts (Mind you that the system is complicated). still no coding for me to do. My supervisor doesn't want me to do encoding and stuffs like the usual On-the-Job-Trainees do. He said, he will treat me as an employee, he sounds strict and all, so nerve wrecking. I will be doing lotsa stuff, like go to different clients as the representative, report, report, talk to other clients, act professional, and they won't let me say that I'm an OJTrainee cause they might make me a PA.. yea.. personal assistant.. harhar. So lotsa responsibilities is in my shoulders, and i can effin feel the weight! Oyeah!
I was expecting to do some Web desiginging or programming in my part, since my resume and interview was full of web web web web stuff.. But I ended up here. But hey, it's part of the training, it's my first time! hahaha, and honestly, I really don't know what I'm good at in this programming stuff. But I can manage, and study bout it. My supervisor also told me that he wants me to absorb their system, so yea, chances of absorption in this company is high if I really do a very very very good job here. I want to be absorbed in this company sooooo bad! Wooo.
So that's about my OJT day. Valentines is near. Me and my guy will only eat lunch at SM Fairview or SM north, buy some stuff, and that's about it. Nuff said.
School, school, school. Ah yes, the foundation week. It kicked off last Sunday (Feb 8) with the motorcade, of course I was there. harhar. Mon-Fri is the school celebration. I didn't attend any celebs. Didn't watched any programs. All I care was my attendance. hahahaha. Tuesday was the ambassador of goodwill contest, I really don't care at all, but I know some friends who joined. So preeeety. Thursday will be the battle of the bands, i doubt I'll watch, but maybe I will, really don't know. Friday is the basketball exhibition game, All-Star?! hahaha, and also our much awaited boodle fight! Can't wait!
So yeah. Live and let live.
It's my first day, and this day is super idle. My supervisor just familiarize me with the system they use for Input/Output of receivables and accounts (Mind you that the system is complicated). still no coding for me to do. My supervisor doesn't want me to do encoding and stuffs like the usual On-the-Job-Trainees do. He said, he will treat me as an employee, he sounds strict and all, so nerve wrecking. I will be doing lotsa stuff, like go to different clients as the representative, report, report, talk to other clients, act professional, and they won't let me say that I'm an OJTrainee cause they might make me a PA.. yea.. personal assistant.. harhar. So lotsa responsibilities is in my shoulders, and i can effin feel the weight! Oyeah!
I was expecting to do some Web desiginging or programming in my part, since my resume and interview was full of web web web web stuff.. But I ended up here. But hey, it's part of the training, it's my first time! hahaha, and honestly, I really don't know what I'm good at in this programming stuff. But I can manage, and study bout it. My supervisor also told me that he wants me to absorb their system, so yea, chances of absorption in this company is high if I really do a very very very good job here. I want to be absorbed in this company sooooo bad! Wooo.
So that's about my OJT day. Valentines is near. Me and my guy will only eat lunch at SM Fairview or SM north, buy some stuff, and that's about it. Nuff said.
School, school, school. Ah yes, the foundation week. It kicked off last Sunday (Feb 8) with the motorcade, of course I was there. harhar. Mon-Fri is the school celebration. I didn't attend any celebs. Didn't watched any programs. All I care was my attendance. hahahaha. Tuesday was the ambassador of goodwill contest, I really don't care at all, but I know some friends who joined. So preeeety. Thursday will be the battle of the bands, i doubt I'll watch, but maybe I will, really don't know. Friday is the basketball exhibition game, All-Star?! hahaha, and also our much awaited boodle fight! Can't wait!
So yeah. Live and let live.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Unproductivity
It's official, my blogging skills are gone. hahaha. Even my poetry, all of it is gone. Is this the feeling of getting older? nyahahaha.. Well... Last trimester was a shame for me. But meh, that's just me. THIS trimester has been good for me. I can finally count my absences in one hand only! (and that's 1 absences for my 4 subjects) hahah.. before.. What I can count in my hand before is my present days. lol. sucks to be me. Meh. Well, I'm feeling confident this trisem, been productive with school, finally taking it seriously. lol hahaha. And hey, I'm taking up my OJT finally! and im doing some programming (if i have a good performance they might request for allowance!) I gotta do my best! So I'm stationed on two offices, 1 at Araneta Avenue corner Quezon Ave, and the other one is at Libis near Eastwood. I might be staying at Pasig for a while so my travel time would be lessen.
Enough with school talk! How about life!? Booze is lessen and I don't like beer no more! I love gin lime. hahah. At least twice a month and that's it. The last time my buddies were having a drink, I was drinking a liter and a half of C2 Red. Hahahaha.
February 13 will be me and my guy's 1st year anniversary. Nuff said.
I'm already over with the butch I'm obsessed with. xD We're still friends, and I never got the chance to tell her I like her... err.. him. XD But when I gave him...her a sneaker bar last Monday, she gave me a smooch in the cheek, and I like it! and she's sober! hahaha. Friends are friends. And I love just the way it is.
Lotsa new friends, new groups, new life.
Enough with school talk! How about life!? Booze is lessen and I don't like beer no more! I love gin lime. hahah. At least twice a month and that's it. The last time my buddies were having a drink, I was drinking a liter and a half of C2 Red. Hahahaha.
February 13 will be me and my guy's 1st year anniversary. Nuff said.
I'm already over with the butch I'm obsessed with. xD We're still friends, and I never got the chance to tell her I like her... err.. him. XD But when I gave him...her a sneaker bar last Monday, she gave me a smooch in the cheek, and I like it! and she's sober! hahaha. Friends are friends. And I love just the way it is.
Lotsa new friends, new groups, new life.
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